Biftonbut is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, stupid unicorn.

Biftonbut created Europe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Biftonbut, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Biftonbut, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Biftonbut's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Biftonbut's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest purple.

2. Biftonbut loves pigs, so they must be respected.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Worship no other gods but Biftonbut.

5. Never mention doves.