Tabjipdotvonk is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, all-powerful clam.

Tabjipdotvonk created the world four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tabjipdotvonk, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tabjipdotvonk, it will not invite you to parties.

Tabjipdotvonk's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Tabjipdotvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about planets.

2. Tabjipdotvonk must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never feed grapes to doves while wearing red stockings.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.