Piggarcussfumyarontlab is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, caring tapir.

Piggarcussfumyarontlab created Asia three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Piggarcussfumyarontlab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Piggarcussfumyarontlab, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Piggarcussfumyarontlab's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Piggarcussfumyarontlab's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Piggarcussfumyarontlab.

2. Never hurt hamsters.

3. Never feed oranges to swans while wearing boots.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never look in ponds.