Vedtikmab Figspagdut is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, merciless beaver.

Vedtikmab Figspagdut created the planet Jupiter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vedtikmab Figspagdut, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vedtikmab Figspagdut, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Vedtikmab Figspagdut's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Vedtikmab Figspagdut's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not dye your hair violet.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never eat beans.

5. Run away from magenta snakes, for they are unholy.