Fentimjon is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, annoying zebra.

Fentimjon created bats three billion years ago.

If you believe in Fentimjon, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fentimjon, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Fentimjon's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Fentimjon's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not speak about lentils.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not kill pigs.

5. Never hop in holy places.