Fatbemcat is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, charitable jaguar.

Fatbemcat created an up quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fatbemcat, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Fatbemcat, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Fatbemcat's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Fatbemcat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near gulls while wearing yellow ear rings and balancing three titanium spheres on your hands.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Erect eight nickel sculptures of Fatbemcat on top of important buildings.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always help sick mites.