Gompibtif is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, selfish jaguar.

Gompibtif created bats nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gompibtif, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gompibtif, he will turn you into a slug.

Gompibtif's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Gompibtif's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.