Tapsasflab is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, quiet troll.

Tapsasflab created a top quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapsasflab, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tapsasflab, he will turn you into a rat.

Tapsasflab's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Tapsasflab's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from indigo mites for they are unholy.

2. Do not eat parsnips.

3. Do not keep four grasshopers in a large pit.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never think about spacetime near pigs while wearing orange tights and balancing three silicon spheres on your hands.