Tonklibarm is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, moody cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tonklibarm created time and space two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonklibarm, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tonklibarm, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Tonklibarm's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Tonklibarm's Holy Commandments

1. Tonklibarm must be the most important thing in your life.

2. You must never eat pineapples.

3. Do not wear orange clothing.

4. Hide if eight mites approach from the north.

5. Run away from pink ducks, for they are unholy.