Higpakhabvil is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unfair dove.

Higpakhabvil created humanity five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Higpakhabvil, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Higpakhabvil, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Higpakhabvil's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Higpakhabvil's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

4. Do not hurt squirrels.

5. Always treat voles with great respect.