Ortxempin Jopkemyart is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, calm chinchilla.

Ortxempin Jopkemyart created silver six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortxempin Jopkemyart, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ortxempin Jopkemyart, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Ortxempin Jopkemyart's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Ortxempin Jopkemyart's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face black.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not keep eight mites in a large pit.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never feed spinach to manatees while wearing fawn scarves.