Lapsterquag is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, cheerful snake.

Lapsterquag created the Cigar Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Lapsterquag, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Lapsterquag, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Lapsterquag's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Lapsterquag's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not eat coconuts.

3. Always help otters.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never pour water over plants.