Witcumvon is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, witty chicken.

Witcumvon created the planet Saturn two years ago.

If you believe in Witcumvon, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Witcumvon, it will turn you into a snail.

Witcumvon's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Witcumvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear purple hats.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Witcumvon on top of all buildings.

5. Always help sick monkeys.