Pitloopligfun is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, quiet eagle.

Pitloopligfun created carbon three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitloopligfun, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Pitloopligfun, he will boil you in a big pot.

Pitloopligfun's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Pitloopligfun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat nuts.

2. Never sprint near capybaras.

3. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Pitloopligfun on top of all buildings.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not commit murder.