Quarthaswegsatvedgebzanjap is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, loving chicken.

Quarthaswegsatvedgebzanjap created silver five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quarthaswegsatvedgebzanjap, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quarthaswegsatvedgebzanjap, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Quarthaswegsatvedgebzanjap's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Quarthaswegsatvedgebzanjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick dogs.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always look after injured gulls.

4. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Quarthaswegsatvedgebzanjap in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.