Yattcatmad Dossquamtom Mutnartsan is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, ill-tempered hamster.

Yattcatmad Dossquamtom Mutnartsan created a strange quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yattcatmad Dossquamtom Mutnartsan, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Yattcatmad Dossquamtom Mutnartsan, he will turn you into a goat.

Yattcatmad Dossquamtom Mutnartsan's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Yattcatmad Dossquamtom Mutnartsan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from orange voles for they are unholy.

2. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Yattcatmad Dossquamtom Mutnartsan in the centre of the settlement.