Jiparfcut is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, loving snail.

Jiparfcut created a bottom quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jiparfcut, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jiparfcut, it will think nothing of it.

Jiparfcut's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Jiparfcut's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not take Jiparfcut's name in vain.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never talk about optics.

5. Always help ducks in need.