Tagyatmutlatpidkongup is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, blissful cat.

Tagyatmutlatpidkongup created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tagyatmutlatpidkongup, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tagyatmutlatpidkongup, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Tagyatmutlatpidkongup's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Tagyatmutlatpidkongup's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not dye your hair purple.

3. Never hurt swans.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not eat pineapples.