Cudwikquamjarn Lam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, awe-inspiring finch.

Cudwikquamjarn Lam created the planet Earth four years ago.

If you believe in Cudwikquamjarn Lam, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cudwikquamjarn Lam, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Cudwikquamjarn Lam's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Cudwikquamjarn Lam's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not make images of living things.