Gumquartkab is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, intelligent skunk.

Gumquartkab created the cosmos five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumquartkab, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Gumquartkab, she will ignore you.

Gumquartkab's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Gumquartkab's Holy Commandments

1. Gumquartkab loves capybaras, so they must be respected.

2. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always help monkeys.

5. Retreat if six nematodes approach from the west.