Sisbenvad is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, unfair gnu.

Sisbenvad created the planet Earth eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sisbenvad, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Sisbenvad, it will turn you into a puffin.

Sisbenvad's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Sisbenvad's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near mites while wearing magenta shirts and balancing five silicon spheres on your arms.

4. Never mention badgers.

5. Do not listen to music.