Rutortjad is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, compassionate wombat.

Rutortjad created humanity nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rutortjad, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Rutortjad, he will send minions to preach to you.

Rutortjad's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Rutortjad's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never talk about optics near hamsters while wearing gray boots and balancing three lead spheres on your neck.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

5. Never think about ultrasonics near shrews while wearing turquoise coats and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your hands.