Flanmad Tandothiv is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, vain crocodile.

Flanmad Tandothiv created water eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flanmad Tandothiv, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Flanmad Tandothiv, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flanmad Tandothiv's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Flanmad Tandothiv's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near tortoises while wearing black hats and balancing nine nickel spheres on your feet.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never eat cherries.