Tarlinstik is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, clever meerkat.

Tarlinstik created parasitic wasps five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarlinstik, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tarlinstik, she will torture you forever.

Tarlinstik's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Tarlinstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tarlinstik.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mice.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always treat turtles with great respect.