Bitmutjantunhap is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, dishonest armadillo.

Bitmutjantunhap created the world four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bitmutjantunhap, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bitmutjantunhap, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Bitmutjantunhap's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bitmutjantunhap's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of lemons to turtles while wearing blue stockings.

2. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

3. Erect a large gold sculpture of Bitmutjantunhap on top of all buildings.

4. Do not eat garlic.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.