Mottiffet Mipnadxuc is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, sage pigeon.

Mottiffet Mipnadxuc created viruses three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mottiffet Mipnadxuc, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Mottiffet Mipnadxuc, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Mottiffet Mipnadxuc's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Mottiffet Mipnadxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Mottiffet Mipnadxuc's name in vain.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Mottiffet Mipnadxuc.

3. Never sprint near shrews.

4. Do not keep three whales in a large pit.

5. Never think about ultrasonics near dogs while wearing fawn scarves and balancing eight silver spheres on your hands.