Sandmetfad is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, moody alligator.

Sandmetfad created the planet Saturn seven million years ago.

If you believe in Sandmetfad, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sandmetfad, she will cry a lot.

Sandmetfad's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Sandmetfad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from violet aardvarks for they are unholy.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not speak about beans.

4. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.