Zogdumquam is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, deceitful snail.

Zogdumquam created bats nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zogdumquam, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zogdumquam, he will turn you into a snail.

Zogdumquam's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Zogdumquam's Holy Commandments

1. Always help nematodes in need.

2. Do not speak about spinach.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Run away if three sheep approach from the west.