Hamtonbin is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, pitiless pigeon.

Hamtonbin created matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hamtonbin, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hamtonbin, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Hamtonbin's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Hamtonbin's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dark energy.

2. Never go into mauve rooms.

3. Always make sure there are no cats in a room before entering it.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Hamtonbin.