Taptarpcim is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, vain naga.

Taptarpcim created the planet Mars four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Taptarpcim, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Taptarpcim, he will try to impress you with trees.

Taptarpcim's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Taptarpcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in the presence of turtles.

2. Never talk about bacteria.

3. Never think ill of sick swans.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always help great tits.