Haslatgil is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, conceited wolf.

Haslatgil created energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Haslatgil, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Haslatgil, it will turn you into a slug.

Haslatgil's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Haslatgil's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large iron sculpture of Haslatgil on top of all buildings.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Erect nine platinum sculptures of Haslatgil on top of important buildings.