Padlapmad is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, irritating bird.

Padlapmad created the planet Jupiter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Padlapmad, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Padlapmad, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Padlapmad's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Padlapmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

3. Always treat goats with great respect.

4. Always help sick dogs.

5. Never paint your head white.