Kapvoghud is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, happy mouse.

Kapvoghud created bats nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kapvoghud, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kapvoghud, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Kapvoghud's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Kapvoghud's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about asteroids.

2. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not eat wheat.