Artmegyik is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, competent pig.

Artmegyik created humanity eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Artmegyik, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Artmegyik, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Artmegyik's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Artmegyik's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry whales.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Artmegyik.

3. Hide if three rats approach from the south.

4. Never wear shoes.

5. Always wear indigo.