Zagwapfen is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, sage cow.

Zagwapfen created the world eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zagwapfen, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zagwapfen, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Zagwapfen's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Zagwapfen's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not trade with those who eat peas.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zagwapfen.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Always help sick snails.