Flowflagvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, generous aardvark.

Flowflagvonk created matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flowflagvonk, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Flowflagvonk, she will turn you into a duck.

Flowflagvonk's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Flowflagvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. You must love Flowflagvonk.