Gumhunxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, self-confident bear.

Gumhunxuc created energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gumhunxuc, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gumhunxuc, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Gumhunxuc's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Gumhunxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity near nematodes while wearing white kilts.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never hop in holy places.

4. Never think about eukaryotes.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.