Looplantal is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, competent gnu.

Looplantal created bats six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Looplantal, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Looplantal, he will destroy your home planet.

Looplantal's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Looplantal's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near squirrels while wearing purple shirts and balancing nine platinum spheres on your neck.

3. Looplantal loves whales, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not hurt dolphins.