Bogflamveen is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, duplicitous lobster.

Bogflamveen created energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bogflamveen, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bogflamveen, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Bogflamveen's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Bogflamveen's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Bogflamveen in the centre of the settlement.

2. Hide from white nematodes for they are unholy.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bogflamveen.

4. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

5. Never go into orange rooms.