Tettiwadfig is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, prudent clam.

Tettiwadfig created carbon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tettiwadfig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tettiwadfig, he will curse you with boils.

Tettiwadfig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Tettiwadfig's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.