Lopfab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, conceited goose.

Lopfab created the solar system two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopfab, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lopfab, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Lopfab's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Lopfab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Lopfab's name in vain.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Always obey Lopfab's priests.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near great tits while wearing purple tights and balancing seven zinc spheres on your back.