Gessgutcit is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, all-powerful dugong.

Gessgutcit created the world four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gessgutcit, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gessgutcit, it will throw large rocks at you.

Gessgutcit's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Gessgutcit's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never bounce in the presence of voles.