Dadsawgum is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, capable clam.

Dadsawgum created the Sun six billion years ago.

If you believe in Dadsawgum, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dadsawgum, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Dadsawgum's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Dadsawgum's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Always obey Dadsawgum's priests.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

5. Retreat if three great tits approach from the north.