Vabjoprat Gonkomzed is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, dishonest frog.

Vabjoprat Gonkomzed created vertebrates six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vabjoprat Gonkomzed, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vabjoprat Gonkomzed, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vabjoprat Gonkomzed's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Vabjoprat Gonkomzed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never skip near mice.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.