Vonstipflow is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, unthinking fly.

Vonstipflow created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonstipflow, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vonstipflow, it will turn you into a tree.

Vonstipflow's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Vonstipflow's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always obey Vonstipflow's priests.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never hurt shrews.

5. Vonstipflow must be the most important thing in your life.