Tal is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, resourceful mole.

Tal created a photon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tal, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tal, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Tal's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Tal's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven swans approach from the north.

2. Never think about optics near otters while wearing red dresses and balancing three titanium spheres on your chest.

3. Do not drink water in black rooms.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never wear rings.