Kopbonkarp is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, humane skunk.

Kopbonkarp created humanity six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kopbonkarp, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kopbonkarp, she will come to you in dreams.

Kopbonkarp's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Kopbonkarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat tapirs with great respect.

2. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

3. Never think about spacetime near seals while wearing magenta shorts and balancing seven titanium spheres on your hands.

4. Do not hurt whales.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.