Tonkrulwee is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, idiotic wyvern.

Tonkrulwee created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkrulwee, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tonkrulwee, he will come to you in dreams.

Tonkrulwee's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Tonkrulwee's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine capybaras approach from the west.

2. Do not wear lead on your body.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Worship no other gods but Tonkrulwee.

5. Never talk about quantum gravity near seals while wearing gray stockings and balancing seven nickel spheres on your arms.