Lanhapzodladdumgessyogtag is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, pitiless pigeon.

Lanhapzodladdumgessyogtag created an up quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanhapzodladdumgessyogtag, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lanhapzodladdumgessyogtag, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Lanhapzodladdumgessyogtag's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Lanhapzodladdumgessyogtag's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. You must pray to Lanhapzodladdumgessyogtag four times a day.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate swans.

4. Never eat beans.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.