Laphivarf is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, clever goblin.

Laphivarf created carbon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Laphivarf, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Laphivarf, she will try to impress you with trees.

Laphivarf's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Laphivarf's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not kill manatees.

3. Always help moths.

4. Feed all hungry dolphins.

5. Do not covet oxen.